When the time finally comes to throw my paper in the fire, I am positively giddy and beyond ready. As I watch my words burn and the ashes and smoke rise up, a sense of relief and joy washes over me. Buh-bye 2012, hello 2013!
It wasn't like anything tragic or horrible happened to me personally; there certainly was plenty of that going on in the world. The year was one of those big shifting years, like the Universe was all slappitty-slap slap slap shouting "girrrrrrl, wake up and get the message 'cause it's time to become a better you!!" and, yep, like all good growth it was emotionally very painful and uncomfortable.
It was not until the very end of December that it all finally clicked and I was able to change my perspective about the events that led up to all of this growth spurt. It was like the stubborn lingering clouds parted and the sun finally came out, followed by a beautiful sunrise.
I am grateful for the painful lessons because it was like someone or something was looking out for me and was giving me a tremendous gift. The gift was being able to let go of what wasn't working because of fear while gaining insight and clarity and a new determination out of love. I know it's cheesy and it sounds like I've watched/read/talked too much self help spiritual stuff (which I'll admit I did a lot of), but it's just so true. I had so many "ah ha" moments it's ridiculous!
One of those gifts came unexpectedly in the form of a cat named Gizmo. You see, my 93 year old grandpa Jack fell and broke his hip in August last year. His loyal cat Gizmo was by his side while he laid on the floor in agony until he was found two days later. My grandpa was operated on, but the ensuing bouts with pneumonia and lack of movement would sadly be his final undoing. He lived for two more months until he peacefully passed away in October.
While he was in the hospital, one of the biggest gifts I could give to him was to adopt his beloved Gizmo. The nurses and therapists told me how he talked about the joy and happiness it brought him knowing Gizmo would be well taken care of and would stay within the family. He delighted in seeing pictures of my kids holding Gizmo and hearing funny stories from us about him adjusting to his new home. It certainly doesn't get much better than that.
So now, "The Giz", "Gizzy", "GizNO!!!", otherwise known as Gizmo the catdog is a special member of our family. He is loyal and mischievous like a dog, following me around wherever I go (I'm always tripping over him), sits at my feet, eating/licking whatever food you leave out (flour, loves of bread, potstickers, salt, yogurt, and so on), and greets visitors at the front door. He is everything quirky and cool you'd want in a cat. He steals my daughter's hairbands and leaves them in his food bowl, he cries this funny excited birdwatching noise when he sees birds out the window, he give hugs (seriously!), and he licks the hair on your head and my daughter's doll hair.
|Hairband. In the bowl. Why??|
|Not exactly helping with homework.|
|Yet another watering hole.|
|Not exactly comfortable, but the side heater helps.|
|Bird watching on his heated seat.|
|There he is NOT on the table.|
|Making a few new friends|
And, oh ya, the love part. That's the most important of all. Love is the main reason why we have house pets, because they love us so unconditionally and it feels good to love them right back. There is no doubt or fear or insecurities. They even seem to love and comfort us more when we are crying or sick or feeling down. I can be in the foulest of moods and despite that, Gizmo is right there, grateful for my warm lap and company.
|That's my arm, eh hum, a pillow.|