It's inevitable. December gets crazy. It feels like I barely keep my head above water trying to keep track of the "to do" list(s), events, parties, traffic, shopping, holiday cards, prepping, writing lists, baking, etc. I am not one of those remarkable people that finish their shopping in September (do those people actually exist or is it legend?), but more like one who picks up a few inspired gifts here and there, but usually shops the most a week or so before. Yes, I'm that stressed out person buying wine in my party attire on the way to the party.
It's also hard when my husband and mom both have birthdays in late December, so I have to figure out two gifts each for two of my favorite people. My husband is mostly a mystery when it comes to what to buy him and I often buy something that I think is especially cool only to have it never used, like an entire set of harmonicas with an amp or an espresso maker. He always manages to know the perfect thoughtful gift to get me and that's thoroughly annoying and I’m, well, okay, jealous. Have I bought anything for him this year? Nope, not yet, mainly because I have absolutely no idea what to buy and I am totally stressing about that and feel like a horrible wife. Oh ya, December is also the month for feeling blue…and way too much sugar, which doesn’t help one bit.
Besides the stress of being nowhere remotely finished with shopping (this year the list suddenly got much bigger by the way), I've barely seen any of my close friends all month and that's yet another thing to feel awful about. I actually had a dream last night that I moved to a new city and had zero friends and was really depressed and getting desperate (or was that déjà vu?). I know we are all dealing with sick kids or we are sick ourselves, busy schedules, houseguests, etc., but I'm still not feeling good about it. I miss the little things like our weekly breakfasts, playdates, and pasta/wine dinners. My routine becomes so un-routine that I lose track of the things that keep me mentally stable and happy, like the gym, eating right, getting enough rest, and especially my friends (aka support system). I get so busy that I start to shut down and just want to hibernate and I know from past experience that’s not a good thing. Oh, and my kids pick up on that fact because they are big on routine, too, and sensitive to my moods, and start acting weird like me, then I act weird in reaction to that, and then we all get on each other’s nerves. Fun stuff.
While I have no one to blame but myself for my lack of effort, I still think I can write off most of current angst to the crazy month of December. After I recover from my usual I’ve-been-too-busy-and-stressed-to-take-care-of-myself usual sickness on Christmas day, I vow to make January the month of getting back to the really good stuff like yoga class and bagels on Tuesday. For now, I must get back to hunting down addresses for sending out those final holiday cards and deciding between either massage slippers or that whatchamacallit tool thingy for my husband. Wish me luck!