Thursday, October 9, 2008

Blemishes and chocolate

When you have kids, all of your flaws, vulnerabilities, and weaknesses get exposed and tested, constantly. To make it worse, when you are expecting your monthly visitor Aunt Flow (aka pmsing), everything gets compounded for the worse. I have two massive zits on my face from my monthly surge of female hormones and thank goodness my kids let me know that and point them out because I just didn't notice the volcano and Mount Everest on my face. The other day during our precious and sweet moments of 6am cuddle time, Talia said "mommy, your breath is very stinky pee eew!". They notice any hole or stain in my clothes, wrong turn down the wrong street, and any other lapse in being the perfect mommy...ha ha ha.

I don't always notice it's "that time" until I start getting emotional over trivial things. For instance, I'm eating my Ritter Sport Milk Chocolate with Butter Biscuit while watching the Biggest Loser and start crying when contestants get emotional during personal triumphs and breakthroughs. I also started tearing up in frustration over an ongoing work project that is moving forward but yet going nowhere and I held myself back from sending an email saying "Can't any of you F'ing get anything F'ing done or are you too busy doing nothing that you can't fix this $!@#%&* mess??!!", but, alas, that might not go over too well.

What's the answer? First, I look around and remind myself how lucky I am...and that I finally have the day alone to be my emotional blubbering bitchy pmsing self in private. And, in a few minutes when I get ready to pick up my kids from school, I'll rub in some makeup cover-up, brush my teeth, and put on a smile. I'm thinking that when my daughter tells me my breath stinks it means she's still cuddling close enough to me to notice, when they see my blemishes it reminds me I'm not invisible (like I feel sometimes), and by pointing out holes or stains in my clothes it saves me from potential public embarrassment. Okay, that was heavy, I think I'll go cry now...

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