Sunday, August 17, 2008

Glad I saved some cake

I am certain we made the right decision to cancel our trip this weekend. Quinn was miserable all day Friday, Talia threw up that night all over her bed and floor, nosebleeds, upset bowels, etc., so all the comforts of home (fresh sheets, cold compress, Valium) came in handy. No regrets, right...well, not until today. Today was just about the worst sibling fighting day on record. I've watched Supernanny where the out-of-control undisciplined kids are awful every single day and the parents are near divorce over it, so I know ours are generally pretty good in comparison. And, I realize that all siblings fight, especially twins, and have come to accept that fact and try my best to handle it (I am an only child so this is new for me) and the good days far outweigh the bad. Most days I'll try to be patient, talk it out, let them figure it out, distract them, or give them my warm mommy creative attention. But, damn, today was ridiculous. All morning long, they screamed and fought over every toy, whined and complained constantly, and just acted horrible to each other. Talia sang to herself while reading on the couch and Quinn asked, pleaded, and begged over and over and over and over for her to stop because "it is sooooo annoying!!!!" and she kept singing, completely ignoring his flaring nostrils and total exasperation. We had to endure the constant HE DID THIS! and SHE DID THAT! and everything was heightened way beyond any sane human level. It gets to the point where you sort of check out and forget all those good parenting techniques because you just can't look at or deal with them and have no desire to make nice with the aliens that have inhabited your children's bodies. And, they feed off of your vulnerability and it just gets worse and worse.

So, with much reservation, I put on a smile and drove them to a Get to Know Some Other New Families at Your New School pool party gathering at noon. They fought the whole drive there. Then, for two and a half blissful hours, they were perfect angels who loved being with each other, were cute, silly, and a pleasure to be around. The whole ride home they bickered. And, during dinner (the same spaghetti dinner that I planned for Big Bear that he personally requested), Quinn complained about EVERYTHING from the sauce to the cheese to the milk to the air. I had to remind Talia at least six times to eat the messy dinner over her plate and not over her lap or to the side. I even tucked a napkin into her white rimmed tank top to avoid any stains. So, as I'm preparing their dessert blueberries, I look over and she's facing sideways with sauce all down her front white rimmed tank top, on her folded leg and shorts, and splattered on the freshly laundered cloth chair cover, with the napkin that was supposed to be tucked into her tank top resting on the table. My eyes go blurry. I escort her out of the chair and say something like "chair cover...I told you six times...just washed...not listening to so are done...I'm done...I've had it." And, next thing I know, Jason is quickly whisking them away and into the bath and I hear them crying about no dessert and something about still being hungry and I just don't care. I'm done.

So, I stand over the stink washing the dishes (aka taking out my aggression), watching the young happy family joyfully playing across the street at the park, and the tears start flowing. My children were such little f'ing a-holes today!!! WTF!?! My mind thinks back over the whole day - how unbearable it was because of how dreadful they were - and I'm totally crying now. Jason walks in and gives me a kiss on the cheek and a 'I totally understand' caring touch on the back. Tears are flowing hard now. I sit at the table with a box of tissue and the tears keep flowing. I tell myself "Get it all out girl and don't keep it all in". When it's time, I somehow gather myself together to read them a chapter, get apologies and hugs, and kisses goodnight.

I've tried to analyze these type of days before, wondering what sets them off and why. The time of month like me? The moon phases? Something I gave them to eat? Lack of sleep? Maybe something that's bugging them (worries about school, doctor, etc.)? I don't think there is always an answer. The best thing I know to do is make it through the day, regroup, and try again tomorrow. But, I will tell you this...right now I'm drinking a tall glass of Merlot, polishing off a large piece of their defrosted birthday cake, and feeling no guilt at all. Much deserved, wouldn't you say?

1 comment:

  1. I know the feeling. Some days it is non-stop bickering. And I just don't understand why if they can't stand each other so much, why won't they just leave each other alone!

    Congratulations on starting your own blog!